I remember the time
--->when I was ten and I told my mama I was gon be a star when I grew up. LOL And now i'm grown up and struggling to even keep my eyes open on the road to see a dang star.
--->when i was 15 and i said i was gonna run away when i was 16 to New York and perform on Broadway. Well, I run into the bathroom to avoid my father's hands on my neck.
--->when i used to be called "saddidy" and a "pretty boy" just because i had gray contacts.
Steadily as the days progress, I find myself creating more memories, following the same paths, and struggling to find out my destiny in life. I'm happy those days of me searching for a sense of self and struggling to pick my face up off the floor after my father hit me are finally over. But still til this day I feel my parents want me in their own straight jacket. They want to have the minimalist control on me they can because that's honestly the only hold they have on my life. I don't call my parents unless I want to (and definitely not when i need to). When we are on the phone I never tell them how I'm really doing or what's going on with me really. My parents wouldn't be able to handle the things that would come out of my mouth and I don't want them to ever get that close to me ever again. Those days of me telling my parents any and everything were over by the time i was thirteen. I'm not holding a grudge but I'm protecting my already fragile heart.
I bet people never suspected this side of me when they saw me as "Saddidy" in high school... but then again that's just the image i've always presented of myself: That there were so many layers to peel away until you reach the core and essence of Mr. Michael L Ward.
I guess I'm still peeling away the top layers...