May 14th, 2005

Sade "on the low"

While viewing the trailer for the newest DL movie out there "on the low" in the world today, I ran across this old Sade record. "Love Is Stronger Than Pride" ... I love the concept of making this my heartbreak song dealing with the same sex relationships I encounter in today's society. I'm just letting Sade serenade my ears in the background while I type this entry and think introspectively...

why am i the only person who seems to not be able to stay in a relationship? i chalk it up to so many aspects of my personality. and i am not changing the person i am for anyone else. it's not that right now i am at all looking for love or wanting to be in a relationship. my eyes have been opened to so many things that i think it's even foolish for me to say i still care for someone or like someone. because i know what i feel in my heart. but i can say that i have a few new crushes besides Andre. lol And one of them I was sposed to visit his birthday party 2nite but i got off work 2 late to actually go ride out there. besides he's prolly alrerady drunk and i'm not jumpstarting a relationship off with that mess. besides, he has a girlfriend. jus playing.

what i tell my female friends all the time is that they think that homosexual men are "Stealing" their men away from them. and i find it quite ironic when their men are the ones searching for us. so i don't think we are going out there trying to steal anyone away. i know just for me on a personal basis, im not interested anymore in on the down low or bisexual men. too much damn drama and confusion. almost drove myself insane with that shit. so if i find any hint of "i got a girlfriend" or "damn, lemme holla at her" coming from his lips then i'm definitely not interested. there's a certain maturity level i feel it takes to accept that you like men, i don't need the ones who just like to fuck men. sorry, God gave me more than just an asshole or penis. so i'm not the one stealing your men away women.

i think for my own sake and self, i need to definitely become more conscience of the things existing both inside and outside of the homosexual community. so many times i am left out of the loop about certain things that i may have had a say in our something. i think it's time i embrace that side of myself and honestly remain interested in the politics that involve my sexuality.

and the book is coming...i'm almost there... just weeding out some errors and finding a final way to intertwine some interesting stories with the poems. keep checking on the other domain for any updates on the book...

i'm going to sleep... holla when i wake up a lil later 2day