May 10th, 2005


For the past two days I have yet to put on clothes...Well for more than a few hours. I have been walking around this damn room with no clothes on, lounging in the bed, doing pushups and crunches, making up dances, eating, talking on the phone and sleeping, all with no clothes on. Why? One might ask haven't I put on any clothes... Hmm, for some reason I think there's a certain comfort level I have yet to reach with myself and there are a lot of insecurities I have yet to work involving my body. I know I'm getting fat...The Freshman 15 has caught up with me =( I'm officially weighing in at 145 and my waist size is now a 32... (sounds anorexic ay?) I can still slip into some pants a lower size but then they show off all my goodies. I know from track that I've always had strong, large thighs but now they seem to be ever growing. I'm not even mentioning my ass in this entry! LOL So lately I've been admiring pictures of the male body... From Usher to Jesse to Andy to Brett... White, Black, Rican, Mixed...And then I look at myself in the mirror and I feel fat. I know these are the pre-anorexic syndromes but I feel they are more of my inspirations and motivations. I think I've said too much...time to go put some clothes on.

To Be Continued