January 26th, 2005

there's no white flag


today is one of those days i reminscence...i put my hood up as i walk out the door, turn the knob and am hit with memories in my face more overpowering than the wind...so many times i feel like i live for the past and not the future...i live to create, to compose, to sing, dance, write, act...

i thought about you today...how i always pushed you away even though i only wanted you to stay...how i feel....did i make you feel so unsure about who you were? i think i was selfish? was i needy? but all i ever wanted was for you to care for me. was i not understanding or was i too demanding?! did i let you breathe, did you see...how much i did care. and now here i am back to square one with my heart in my hands ready to give it all up...i feel so cold inside like snow...and he doesn't make me smile like your memories do...he doesn't hold me like you do...he doesn't make me feel like i need to get a tapeup like you do. or tell me im ugly like you prolly thought..LOL....i just wanted to let you know i miss you and will always care

I have been 18 for 5 months now...7 months until I'm 19

time keeps rolling
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    Dido- White Flag