December 30th, 2004

how does it feel?

To be honest the way I feel right now is crazy, a mixture of a new beginning and old things slowly fade away. I feel like dipping my hands in water, cleaning away the past and stepping into my future. I feel like letting the du rag fall to the floor, the scabs fade into dark spots, the palms move themselves away...I feel fluttered.

I imagine...I see him slowly walking along the dirt path. He begins to run, something is behind. He is laughing, he is smiling running along into the sunshine that he knows is happiness.

2004 was an incrediblely challenging year for me emotionally. So many new things, so many things accomplished, so many changes, transistions and old things gone.

I feel 2005 will present more of a challenge to my mind and spirit. Those are two of the most precious things in my life that I have been neglecting as of late. I am growing so much inside of myself, inside of my spirit. I feel the tears drying up and back down in their wells, I see the smile return, the confidence, the beauty to my life is returning.

That little boy who was for seventeen years lost has been found in four months...I am ready to grow into a strong man.