October 20th, 2004

why did U have to go and make things so complicated?

no more hesitation....i know what i have to do

Fast friends can often times be the worst friends one can ever make in life. I think I have learned from the past about being open and letting too many people in your business at a time. It's like opening a can of worms...and I think I have. Well not exactly yet but maybe if I continue on with the friendships I'm involved in.

I sat at the diner yesterday, wondering why exactly did I have this feeling in my spirit saying "watch out for her". Something in me wanted to run like hell while I sat and ate breakfast @ 12am with her. I instantly put my guard up, walked out the diner, and went home. The feeling is still with me now. I listen to my inner spirit and he is usually right. Something about her that I just have to wait on has me tripping inside. I am not gonna run from her when I see her but slowly ease into my own space again without her. She will barely notice. I think I've become increasingly well at cutting off bad blood, and its hard but its life.

I am the center of my own life and that sounds horrible right? But God is the head of my life and I look out for my well being on a daily basis with God's provision over me. I consider that the center...but back on subject. I watch out for me first and I know I almost crossed the line, almost reached the edge, but maybe this time I have caught myself from another depressing moment full of songs and poetry. This kinda makes me anxious but I know in time all things will be revealed. The key to this plan is being myself without her daily.

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? NO NO NO!

Sometimes I always wonder is it me? Am I that egocentric to think it is the world around me? Do I need to pray about that? Hmm...maybe.

im not in love...its just some kinda thang im going through

I think 2nite is a Mary J nite. It's going be trying! With two new performances added this week. One 2moro and one Friday plus practices and another on October 29th. I love performing and dancing and putting my ALL into this but school is a priority. And priority is slipping...and my ass will be back in Jacksonville if they dont come back up! :) I am honestly scared...but who ever said the world was goin be easy...

guess that's why mama always told me to slow down baby...you got your whole life to be grown

My hot ass shoulda listened!
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