September 24th, 2004

To Jenger

Jenger I think everyone has become so lax as christians :) I mean now-a-days its almost cool to believe in God. Rappers wear crosses with a blunt in one hand, talking about bitches in the other. People salute God at all these award shows and then wind up on the front cover for rape or lust or something.

I cant speak for any other homosexual males but myself and I say yes, the pleasure is what keeps the relationship together. Rarely ever will you find a homosexual couple in love, staying together or what not because we know that homosexuality is a sin. We know we are not living right and that is a constant daily battle within us. It's almost like having premarital sex and knowing God is watching you destroy his inner temple. For so long I have become caught up in the world of homosexuality and self pleasure. I find myself recieving tracts all the time now, more than I used to when I attended church regulary and was into the word of God. I feel God's hand reaching out to me but in the same instant I slap his hand away like I have all the time in the world. And I feel that is what so many people do now. Some of us think we have time.

I am no saint, I am no Christian, I am no atheist. I believe in God and he knows my heart. I am 18 and old enough to know the acts I engage in are wrong everyday. I don't live by religion and I don't live by the word of God. I admit this know and no I am wrong. I would love to live like Jesus, I would love to be an example unto the world, and the question is always in my mind like "Ay Mike! What's stopping you? Is it the pleasure?" Pleasure is only in the flesh and not in the spirit. Peace is in the spirit and I don't have peace. So what am I trading off my sanity for pleasure?! These thoughts run constantly through my mind everyday and some days I just wake up thankful that God has let me breathe another breath. I truly don't deserve it. See the mercy of God?

I know we are living in some of the last days and it scares me to death knowing I wouldn't know if the Anti-Christ was my best friend. I know I am going to hell but still I continously fall into my own sin daily. And it's almost like a junkie who knows he wants to stop but just doesn't want to.

I am thankful that You and Gabi are in my life because you guys remind me my overall purpose in life. To glorify God in whatever I pursue to do in my life. I don't profess to be any more than I am. And God knows what I am so only He can judge me. I know that I am not right and that is for me to pray daily about and make an effort to change.
  • Current Music
    Dar!0n Tar!Q- I Don't Mind

Do the Washer Machine!


It's the little things that keep us alive sometimes and for me it's the vibrance of life. It's the way the breeze slips across your face like a mother's hand brushing tears away, the smell of new paint, the bright sunshine through the clouds, the feeling of rain sliding down your skin. Those are the beautiful things that keep me pumpin sometimes. But today it was my trip 2 Walmart! :) I spent about three hours and luckily only spent $70 which is totally good for a trip to Wally World. I just felt like saying that I'm gone.

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  • Current Music
    Darion Tar!Q- Heaven Help Me